I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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