I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sarcasm needs its own font
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
