I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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