i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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