Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
