Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
