I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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