Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
