I cockslap morals
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
