im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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