Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You don't make any sense
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