I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
