You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
