im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
