shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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