she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
