Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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