plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You are a genius and a whore.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
