One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
