Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
