Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
