I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize