I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
