I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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