please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
