Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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