I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
