yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
