I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
