First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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