I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm passing your future prison.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
