Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
