I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
