Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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