So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
