Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
