He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
