Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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