Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
