I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
