My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
