i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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