Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
