Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
