I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
