is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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