eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We named our party play list daddy issues
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
