Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have aggressive nipples.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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