Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
