He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
