i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
