I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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