weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
