Did you just see the Batmobile???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
